Dreams: An update
What is your dream? What fuels it?
We all have dreams when we are little. I had a lot of them: being a singer, dancer, actor, etc. I always wanted to be in the arts. Then there was the dream of being an author. As you can guess, that became the big one. I remember daydreaming while riding my bike when I had the epiphany that writing allowed me to bring those silly stories I made in my head come to life. So, I’ve always written, and I’ve written with this idea that I would become this huge author. I would make a difference to people, and my stories would live in their hearts. Well, I still believe in the second part of the dream. I believe I can create art that moves people. Maybe I already have, maybe that’s why you are here reading this. But I’m a little lost now. My dream, this once blazing star, has become an ember.
I don’t think I want to be a huge author. I don’t need to make money doing this. I think capitalism makes us all think that if you love something; you have to monetize it. But as I grow as a writer and share my work, I realize how much the idea of selling my writing corrupts it for me. I’m not saying that I’m against people sharing their appreciation of my work with a donation, or that I won’t publish a book for some amount of money. I just mean that it’s not the goal. I want people to read what I write. I want people to fall in love with my writing. I want to build a community around my writing.
I don’t need to make it big. I just want my stories to touch the hearts of the people who need to find it.
I say all this because I’ve been struggling with Substack lately. I’ve been struggling with life lately. Part of it is this loss of faith in myself and my dream. I both knew what I wanted and didn’t understand it all.
I wanted to be a writer.
But why?
What was the fuel for the flame that was once my passion for writing?
I think it’s you. I think it’s my stories. I think it’s that beautiful spark when you two meet.
I’m still trying to get my passion back. Hell, I’m trying to get my life back together. I’m trying to keep my Substack going while I do all that, so please bear with me as I figure out myself again. I am truly doing the best I can at the moment. I want to do so many things with my Substack, but for now this is the best I can do. I meant to share a story today, but writing hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve been trying to give myself space to heal. Sometimes I need to push myself and sometimes I need rest. I struggle to post things that I don’t feel fit with my mood, so it’s hard to just package up an old story I’ve written and put it out. It doesn’t feel right somehow. But this post feels like what I needed to say. I don’t know if it resonated with any of you. I hope you all know what your dream is or can find it. Having a passion is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
What is your dream? What fuels it?
This resonated with me more than you might expect.
I think many of us start with a dream that looks one way and then spend years discovering what was actually underneath it. We think we want success, recognition, or some grand destination, only to realize later that what we really wanted was connection.
I can relate to what you said about wanting your stories to live in people's hearts. For me, some of the most meaningful moments as a writer have never been the numbers. They've been the messages, comments, and quiet moments when someone says, "I needed this today."
I also appreciate your honesty about struggling. There's a lot of pressure online to always appear productive, inspired, and moving forward. Sometimes the bravest thing a writer can do is admit they're tired and give themselves permission to heal.
As for my dream? I think it has become surprisingly simple over the years: to leave behind a body of work that makes people feel a little less alone than they did before they found it.
Thank you for sharing this. I suspect there are more people walking through a season like this than you realize.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—The Bathrobe Guy
This resonated with me! The passions in our life do ebb and flow. Sometimes they are strong and we feel the burn for a long while. Sometimes they fade out. Sometimes what brings us passion changes completely into something new. That’s ok. And sometimes we just hit a lull. The passion isn’t dried out, but just needs a little time to come back to you.
What I learned recently is not to wait it out. Make a small step, the smallest you can, to keep the project alive. You’re doing that by posting this (heartfelt) post.
I’m rooting for you!
Jen