A blog about grief caused by my Dissociative Identity Disorder. I wrote about the loss of losing a part through splitting, a phenomenon where a part breaks because of too much stress.
Thanks for sharing such a personal, vulnerable story. I hope you're taking care of yourself.
I just wanted to posit something, and I do apologise if this comes across as insensitive because it's not my intention at all, but is it possible for Kira to return?
If we accept the premise that there is something out there where souls persist, then perhaps the only thing preventing souls from returning is that the corporeal bodies decay. However, in this case your body, the system, still exists. With that being the case, perhaps it is possible for Kira to make his way back some day?
Again, apologies if that comes across as super ignorant it was just a thought that occurred to me.
Thank you for the kind words. Hmm, I'm not sure. From what I know of DID it is not likely that he would come back, at least not exactly the same. For example, even if the parts from the split merged together (which can happen), the resulting part would not be Kira. That is from a scientific sense though, I don't know if what you are saying is possible. I like to think he still exists in some form, and that I can meet him again one day. But thank you for your thoughts!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I may not know exactly what you are experiencing with DID, but I know grief over a lost loved one. And this is losing a loved one. A loved one that was always there and now is not. I hope you are being gentle with yourself as you grief and don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t allowed to grieve because you absolutely are. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out. I also have a lot of medical trauma and trauma in general, even had doctors thinking I had DID for a while.
Thank you. It means a lot to be reminded that I am allowed to mourn this loss. It feels so incorporeal that people will just think I'm crazy for being upset. But he was real, he just shared my body. I appreciate your support <3
Exactly, he was real and you are allowed to feel how you feel about his loss. And I don’t think you are crazy at all. I know how DID is formed and I’m so sorry that you went through so much so young. And I’m sorry you’re still going through such stress. I hope things become easier for you 💕
I'm so very, very sorry for your loss 😢 I never have the right words to say when someone is hurting, and wish I could somehow make things better. I'm hugging you in my heart from here right now 🫂❤️
I can understand grief iver loss of something other people view as abstract. I know it is not DID, but I think about people grieving the loss of people they love who are still alive, just altered. People with amnesia, dimentia, extreme traumatic brain injuries, or damage done by taking too many drugs. I have lost a part of my brother after his TBI and every time I see him, see him incomplete, it hurts. There are still parts of him that remained intact, but it's not the same. I keep seeing the unfilled void. I am told he is still my brother, and I ought to be grateful that he is alive. I am. But one can be grateful and still love what is in your life, while still mourning the passing of that which has been lost.
I also mourn the loss of parts of me as well. Not distint, whole personalities, but aspects. The part of me with endless energy, fearless in social situations, and so very tenacious. She's gone. I don't believe she will ever return. She only existed in my childhood. Again, not the same, but I am trying to relate to you as best as I can with my own frame of references. I believe that people needn't exactly understand one another to try and be there, to lift that feeling of isolation. Enough points of reference, I think, can be close enough. I hope.
Anyway, I believe that time doesn't operate the same way on the other side of the veil. So I like to believe when you cross over in death, all states of you may possibly exist. But don't rush to be reunited with Kira. If he was as supportive as you say, he wouldn't want that.
Take your time to grieve. Keep what mattered to you close to your heart. And when strong enough, try to find ways, collectively, for all of you to fill the role left vacant by his split, not to replace him, but to honour him.
Thanks for sharing such a personal, vulnerable story. I hope you're taking care of yourself.
I just wanted to posit something, and I do apologise if this comes across as insensitive because it's not my intention at all, but is it possible for Kira to return?
If we accept the premise that there is something out there where souls persist, then perhaps the only thing preventing souls from returning is that the corporeal bodies decay. However, in this case your body, the system, still exists. With that being the case, perhaps it is possible for Kira to make his way back some day?
Again, apologies if that comes across as super ignorant it was just a thought that occurred to me.
Thank you for the kind words. Hmm, I'm not sure. From what I know of DID it is not likely that he would come back, at least not exactly the same. For example, even if the parts from the split merged together (which can happen), the resulting part would not be Kira. That is from a scientific sense though, I don't know if what you are saying is possible. I like to think he still exists in some form, and that I can meet him again one day. But thank you for your thoughts!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. May Kira always be with you and I hope one day he returns even if it is in a different timeline <3
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I may not know exactly what you are experiencing with DID, but I know grief over a lost loved one. And this is losing a loved one. A loved one that was always there and now is not. I hope you are being gentle with yourself as you grief and don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t allowed to grieve because you absolutely are. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out. I also have a lot of medical trauma and trauma in general, even had doctors thinking I had DID for a while.
Thank you. It means a lot to be reminded that I am allowed to mourn this loss. It feels so incorporeal that people will just think I'm crazy for being upset. But he was real, he just shared my body. I appreciate your support <3
Exactly, he was real and you are allowed to feel how you feel about his loss. And I don’t think you are crazy at all. I know how DID is formed and I’m so sorry that you went through so much so young. And I’m sorry you’re still going through such stress. I hope things become easier for you 💕
I'm so very, very sorry for your loss 😢 I never have the right words to say when someone is hurting, and wish I could somehow make things better. I'm hugging you in my heart from here right now 🫂❤️
Thank you for your kind words. It’s very hard at the moment, but everyone’s kindness has been helping.
I have a lot of personal experience with this that I won't speak of here, but if you'd like to talk about it…
I appreciate you reaching out. Having someone to talk to about this sort of thing would be really nice. This experience feels very isolating.
My inbox is open to you guys any time.
I like this
I can understand grief iver loss of something other people view as abstract. I know it is not DID, but I think about people grieving the loss of people they love who are still alive, just altered. People with amnesia, dimentia, extreme traumatic brain injuries, or damage done by taking too many drugs. I have lost a part of my brother after his TBI and every time I see him, see him incomplete, it hurts. There are still parts of him that remained intact, but it's not the same. I keep seeing the unfilled void. I am told he is still my brother, and I ought to be grateful that he is alive. I am. But one can be grateful and still love what is in your life, while still mourning the passing of that which has been lost.
I also mourn the loss of parts of me as well. Not distint, whole personalities, but aspects. The part of me with endless energy, fearless in social situations, and so very tenacious. She's gone. I don't believe she will ever return. She only existed in my childhood. Again, not the same, but I am trying to relate to you as best as I can with my own frame of references. I believe that people needn't exactly understand one another to try and be there, to lift that feeling of isolation. Enough points of reference, I think, can be close enough. I hope.
Anyway, I believe that time doesn't operate the same way on the other side of the veil. So I like to believe when you cross over in death, all states of you may possibly exist. But don't rush to be reunited with Kira. If he was as supportive as you say, he wouldn't want that.
Take your time to grieve. Keep what mattered to you close to your heart. And when strong enough, try to find ways, collectively, for all of you to fill the role left vacant by his split, not to replace him, but to honour him.